Celebrating Five Years of Marriage Monday

Looking Back. Living the Mission. Looking Ahead.

“Marriage is for purpose, not just for my personal feelings.”
– Pastor Dami Erogbogbo

That conviction captures the heart of Marriage Monday.

But five years ago, Marriage Monday did not begin with a grand strategy, a global vision, or a carefully designed ministry plan.

It began with a shutdown.

During one of the most uncertain seasons in recent history, the doors closed on the in-person singles’ gatherings Pastor Toyosi had been leading in Chicago. What could have ended one expression of ministry instead created space for something new.

The question was simple:

If we cannot gather people in a room, how do we continue gathering hearts?

How do we keep the conversations going?

How do we create space for people to ask honest questions about relationships, faith, purpose, and the future?

That question became the beginning of Marriage Monday.

What started as a weekly Zoom conversation gradually became a growing community of believers across cities and nations.

Yes, it is about marriage.

Yes, it happens on Mondays.

But from the beginning, Marriage Monday has always reached beyond both.

It has become a place where people gather to examine not only whom they may marry, but who they are becoming.

As we celebrate five years of Marriage Monday, we are grateful for every conversation, every testimony, every relationship strengthened, every mindset renewed, and every life touched along the way.

To mark this milestone, we sat down with Pastor Toyosi and Pastor Dami Erogbogbo to reflect on where Marriage Monday began, what God has revealed over the last five years, and where they believe He is leading the ministry next.

THE PAST

Why Marriage Monday Exists

Your Marriage Journey began more than fifteen years ago. Five years ago, one expression of that vision took shape through Marriage Monday.

Yet Marriage Monday was never intended to be merely another weekly meeting.

It was built on three foundational convictions that continue to shape the ministry today.

Relationship With God

The first foundation is spiritual connection.

Pastor Toyosi observed that many romantic relationships suffer because a person’s relationship with God is not healthy or deeply rooted. Prayer, fasting, Scripture, and spiritual language may be present, but the Word of God may not truly guide everyday decisions.

Marriage Monday therefore begins long before conversations about choosing a spouse.

It begins with the question:

Is my relationship with God shaping the way I live, think, choose, love, and discern?

A healthy relationship with another person cannot be separated from a growing relationship with God.

Before Marriage Monday helps people consider whom they should build with, it points them back to the One upon whom every life must first be built.

Renewing the Mind of a Generation

The second foundation is the renewal of the mind.

Pastor Toyosi saw a need to challenge the assumptions younger generations were inheriting about dating, purity, commitment, relationships, and marriage.

Some cultural practices have become so common that they are rarely questioned. Entertaining several romantic possibilities at once, avoiding commitment, treating people as disposable, and allowing convenience to determine values can gradually become normal.

Marriage Monday exists to interrupt that normalization.

It creates space to examine cultural habits through the lens of Scripture and to ask whether the patterns around us are producing the lives, relationships, and families we truly desire.

The goal is not simply to tell people what to avoid.

It is to help them renew their thinking so that their choices are no longer governed by trends, pressure, fear, or temporary emotion.

Building Community

The third foundation is community.

“The West is lonely,” Pastor Toyosi observed.

That loneliness affects far more than social connection. It affects discernment, emotional health, decision-making, accountability, and the ability to persevere through difficult seasons.

Marriage Monday was created as a place where like-minded believers could gather, ask honest questions, encourage one another, grow spiritually, and thrive together rather than struggle alone.

Community was never an afterthought.

It was part of the assignment.

Marriage Monday did not begin because the world needed another conversation about relationships.

It began because people needed truth, spiritual formation, and a community strong enough to help them live what they were learning.

THE PRESENT

Five Years, Five Lessons

Five years later, Marriage Monday has become more than a weekly Zoom gathering.

It has become a community where believers across different cities and nations are being equipped to pursue relationships God’s way.

Looking back, Pastor Toyosi and Pastor Dami identified several lessons that have shaped the ministry and continue to influence its direction.

1. Many People Are Unwilling to Take Responsibility

One lesson has become impossible to ignore.

Many people are not willing to take responsibility for the condition of their relationships.

We blame the person who betrayed us.

We blame our parents.

We blame our upbringing.

We blame timing.

We blame circumstances.

We blame the culture.

We often find someone or something to blame before we are willing to examine the person in the mirror.

Taking responsibility does not mean accepting blame for another person’s dishonesty, abuse, betrayal, or dysfunction.

It means being willing to ask what God desires to heal, correct, strengthen, or transform within us.

Real growth begins when we stop waiting for everyone around us to change and allow God to begin His work in us.

The future of our relationships can change when we are willing to take responsibility for our healing, our boundaries, our choices, our obedience, and our spiritual growth.

Transformation begins when truth becomes personal.

2. Church Attendance Does Not Equal Spiritual Maturity

Another lesson is the difference between appearing spiritual and being transformed.

As Pastor Toyosi explained:

“Many people are not as spiritual as they would make you believe.”

Many people attend church.

Some have served for years.

Some know the right Christian language.

Some grew up in ministry homes or have been surrounded by faith all their lives.

Yet church attendance alone does not mean the Word of God governs a person’s decisions.

Religious activity can fill a calendar without transforming a character.

There is a difference between hearing Scripture and submitting to it.

There is a difference between attending church and allowing God’s Word to shape how we communicate, forgive, apologize, wait, choose, sacrifice, and love.

Marriage Monday has therefore learned not to assume that a Christian label automatically produces Christian maturity.

Spiritual maturity must be revealed through fruit: humility, honesty, integrity, self-control, teachability, repentance, compassion, and obedience.

Religion may change how a person appears. Only surrender changes who that person becomes.

3. Many People Know the Work but Refuse to Do It

Knowing what needs to change is not the same as being willing to change it.

People often recognize the conversation they need to have, the relationship they need to leave, the boundary they need to establish, the counseling they need to pursue, the apology they need to offer, or the habit they need to confront.

Yet recognition does not always lead to action.

As Pastor Toyosi observed, many people want someone to “wish it away.”

We want the problem prayed away without confronting the pattern.

We want a dramatic breakthrough without the daily discipline that transformation requires.

We want the outcome without the obedience.

James 1:22 warns:

“But be doers of the Word [obey the message], and not merely listeners to it, betraying yourselves [into deception by reasoning contrary to the truth].”

Information alone does not transform a life.

Obedience does.

Sometimes the miracle is found in the going, in taking the step God has already made clear.

Sometimes the answer to prayer is not a sudden escape from the process, but the strength to walk faithfully through it.

The work we avoid often stands between us and the life for which we are praying.

4. There Is Often Deep Trauma Beneath Relationship Struggles

Behind many relationship difficulties lies something deeper.

Childhood wounds.

Past betrayals.

Failed relationships.

Fear of abandonment.

Financial wounds.

Shame.

Disappointment.

Suspicion disguised as discernment.

Fear dressed up as caution or wisdom.

Pastor Toyosi described many people as being relationally “sick,” not as condemnation, but as an acknowledgment that unresolved pain can quietly govern present decisions.

Trauma can cause people to fixate on what feels urgent now while blinding them to the future they are building.

It can influence whom they trust, what they tolerate, what they fear, what they pursue, and what they repeatedly mistake for love.

People can enter new relationships carrying wounds from old ones and then wonder why the same patterns continue to emerge.

Healing is therefore not separate from relationship preparation.

It is part of it.

Healthy relationships become difficult to sustain when unhealed wounds are still making decisions.

What remains unhealed does not remain hidden. It eventually enters the relationship with us.

5. To Shape the Future, We Must Marry Right

Perhaps one of the simplest and most profound lessons is this:

“If we marry right, society gets better.”

Marriage is deeply personal, but its impact is never merely private.

Strong marriages help build strong families.

Strong families strengthen churches.

Strong churches influence communities.

Healthy homes can shape the beliefs, emotional security, spiritual formation, and future choices of the generations raised within them.

This is why marrying wisely cannot be reduced to attraction, chemistry, convenience, age, pressure, or personal feelings.

The choices people make in relationships can affect children who have not yet been born, communities that have not yet been built, and generations they may never live to see.

Marriage Monday therefore challenges believers to look beyond the immediate moment.

Pastor Toyosi observed that many people do not truly know what they want because they are focused almost entirely on the present. They may know what feels desirable now without considering what kind of life that choice will build later.

Marriage Monday encourages people to ask deeper questions.

What kind of marriage am I building toward?

What values must sustain it?

What kind of person am I becoming?

Will the qualities I desire today still matter twenty years from now?

To shape the future, believers must also be willing to challenge assumptions.

Pastor Toyosi noted that churchgoing people can sometimes be naïve. We may accept statements, impressions, traditions, dreams, or expectations without examining them carefully.

Not every assumption is truth.

Not every desire is direction.

Not every dream is from God.

Discernment requires prayer, wisdom, Scripture, patience, and the courage to ask difficult questions.

We cannot build a different future while refusing to challenge the thinking that produced the present.

THE FUTURE

The Legacy Ahead

While we celebrate five years, Pastor Toyosi and Pastor Dami believe Marriage Monday is still only at the beginning of its assignment.

The vision is clear:

“Build a community of young adults who understand marriage as a ministry and are willing to put everything they have behind it.”

The next five years are not simply about making Marriage Monday larger.

They are about making its reach deeper, broader, and more accessible.

Pastor Toyosi envisions Marriage Monday becoming less like a weekly program centered on one teacher and more like a classroom filled with many instructors.

Different teachers would speak into different seasons of life.

Singles.

Those in courtship.

Engaged couples.

Newlyweds.

Parents.

Couples navigating different stages and challenges.

Each voice would bring wisdom and experience while remaining united around one biblical vision for relationships and marriage.

The future also includes marriage forums and localized community hubs, where gatherings can take place in several cities at the same time.

Rather than relying only on one annual conference, people could meet regularly in their own communities to discuss marriage, faith, family, healing, and purpose.

Technology will also play an important role.

Pastor Toyosi described a vision that could include an app, podcasts, books, schools, teaching resources, and a platform where biblical relationship content is available around the clock.

He even imagined something resembling a twenty-four-hour marriage channel: a constant stream of teaching, conversations, resources, and encouragement that helps people understand why they must marry wisely.

Yet the true vision is not the app.

It is not the podcast.

It is not the school, the book, the platform, or the technology.

The vision is the people those tools will serve.

It is a community of believers who understand that marriage is not merely a romantic achievement.

It is a spiritual responsibility.

It is a ministry.

It is a place where purpose can be multiplied, families can be strengthened, and the character of Christ can be revealed.

Pastor Toyosi believes that if godly marriages became the norm rather than the exception, divorce rates could be significantly reduced.

Even reducing divorce by half would represent families preserved, children protected, churches strengthened, and futures changed.

That is the scale of the vision.

Marriage Is for Purpose

Pastor Dami’s reflections bring the mission into even sharper focus.

“Marriage is for purpose, not just for my personal feelings.”

Marriage is not simply about finding someone who likes us, makes us happy, or meets an emotional desire.

It is also about discerning the purpose of God and understanding how marriage may fit within that purpose.

Pastor Dami also emphasized the need for deeper prayer concerning marriage.

Many people desire marriage.

Many expect it.

Many wonder when it will happen.

Yet not everyone prays intentionally about the kind of marriage they are preparing to build, the purpose it will serve, the person they are becoming, or the wisdom they will need to recognize God’s direction.

Prayer is not meant to be an emergency response when relationships become difficult.

It should be part of the foundation.

Pastor Dami also offered encouragement to those who feel that God may be withholding marriage from them.

For those whose journey includes marriage, she believes God desires to provide every tool and avenue needed for them to fulfill His purpose successfully.

God should not be seen as the villain in their story.

He is not threatened by their desire for marriage.

He is concerned with the fulfillment of His purpose in their lives.

Marriage is not the purpose of every life, and some people may choose a different path.

But for those for whom marriage is part of God’s intention, it should not be viewed as something God delights in withholding.

His desire is that they enter it with wisdom, prayer, preparation, and an understanding of its purpose.

Here’s to the Next Five Years

Five years ago, Marriage Monday began with a simple question:

If we cannot gather in a room, how do we continue gathering people?

Five years later, God has answered that question in ways no one could have fully anticipated.

What began as a response to isolation became a growing community.

What began as a weekly conversation became a space for discipleship.

What began with questions about relationships has continued to reveal deeper questions about faith, responsibility, healing, purpose, obedience, and spiritual maturity.

Over the past five years, Marriage Monday has seen lives transformed, relationships restored, mindsets renewed, and countless people challenged to view marriage not simply as a life goal, but as a God-given ministry.

Yet the work is not finished.

The next five years are not merely about hosting more conversations.

They are about forming more communities.

Equipping more believers.

Raising more teachers.

Strengthening more marriages.

Helping more people heal.

Challenging more assumptions.

Encouraging more prayer.

Preparing men and women to build relationships that reflect the character and purpose of God.

The future will require more than enthusiasm.

It will require responsibility.

Sacrifice.

Obedience.

Prayer.

Community.

And a willingness to do the work.

Five years ago, God used closed doors to open a new path.

Today, Marriage Monday continues walking that path with greater clarity, deeper conviction, and a growing vision for what lies ahead.

Here is to the next five years of building Christ-centered relationships, strengthening families, renewing minds, and advancing God’s purpose for marriage.

Together.

Because Marriage Monday was never simply about gathering on Mondays.

It has always been about what God can build when people gather around His truth.