Covenant, Not Contract: God’s Original Design for Marriage

We are living in a generation that treats marriage like a subscription. When it works, we keep it. When it’s uncomfortable, we cancel it. When it no longer “meets our needs,” we replace it. And then we wonder why families are fractured, why intimacy is shallow, why commitment feels rare, and why so many people are exhausted from starting over.

Let’s start with the uncomfortable truth:

Over 50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Among second marriages, the number climbs to nearly 67%. Among third marriages, it’s over 70%.

Even more sobering: Research consistently shows that most divorces are not due to abuse, addiction, or infidelity. They are due to “growing apart,” “lack of communication,” and “irreconcilable differences.”

In other words: not crisis. Erosion. Slow drift. Unmanaged expectations. Two people living side by side without a shared foundation.

And here’s the part the Church doesn’t like to admit: Many Christian marriages are ending at nearly the same rate as secular ones. We pray. We attend church. We post scriptures. But many of us are still building marriage on the wrong model. Because most people today are not entering a covenant. They are entering a contract.

Contract vs Covenant: Two Completely Different Worlds

A contract says: “I will stay as long as you hold up your end.”
A covenant says: “I am bound to you, even when it costs me.”

• A contract is built on mutual benefit. A covenant is built on sacrificial commitment.
• A contract is conditional. A covenant is relational and binding.
• A contract is enforced by law. A covenant is sustained by character and faithfulness.

This is why modern marriage collapses under pressure. It was never built to carry suffering, seasons, or sacrifice. But God never designed marriage to be a contract. From the very beginning, He framed it as covenant.

God’s Original Design Was Never Casual

Genesis tells us that marriage was not a social invention. It was a divine institution. Jesus Himself reaffirms this in Matthew 19, but listen to how Scripture frames it:

“For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate or divide.”
(Matthew 19:5-6, AMPC)

Notice the language: Joined. Cleave. One flesh. This is not contractual language. This is covenant language.

And Ecclesiastes tells us something even deeper:

“Though one can be overpowered, two can resist and withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
(Ecclesiastes 4:12, AMPC)

Marriage was never meant to be: Me + You
It was always meant to be: Me + You + God

When God is not the center, marriage becomes two fragile people asking each other to be God. And that burden will crush any relationship.

The Real Problem: We Want Covenant Benefits With Contract Commitment

We want:

• Intimacy without sacrifice
• Security without surrender
• Permanence without endurance
• Resurrection without a cross

We want someone to complete us, but we don’t want to be formed. We want marriage to serve us, not to shape us. But Scripture paints a completely different picture:

“Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21, AMPC)

Then it goes on to describe marriage not as a romance story, but as a living parable of Christ and the Church. And how did Christ love the Church? “Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25, AMPC)

That is not contract language. That is covenant language. Covenant always costs something.

Why Most Marriages Don’t Break in Explosions. They Break in Drift.

Most marriages do not end in one dramatic moment. They die by:

• A thousand small disappointments
• Unspoken resentments
• Unaddressed wounds
• Misaligned expectations
• Spiritual neglect
• Emotional withdrawal

People don’t wake up one day and say, “I don’t want this anymore.” They wake up one day and realize: “We stopped tending to what we promised to steward.”

Jesus warned us about this with frightening clarity:

“Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not practice them will be like a foolish man who built his house upon the sand. And the rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat against that house; and it fell and great and complete was its fall.”
(Matthew 7:26-27, AMPC)

Notice something: The storm came to both houses. The difference was not whether the storm came. The difference was what the house was built on.

Covenant Is Not Sustained by Feelings. It Is Sustained by Faithfulness.

Feelings are wonderful. But they are terrible foundations. Feelings fluctuate. The covenant remains.

The modern world says: “Follow your heart.”
Scripture says: “The heart is deceitful above all things and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely mortally sick; who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9, AMPC)

Covenant is not about always feeling in love. It is about choosing to love when feelings are absent. This is maturity. This is discipleship. This is spiritual formation.

A Hard Question Every Couple Must Answer

Are we: Two consumers in a relationship or Two servants in a covenant?

Because consumers ask:

• “Am I happy?”
• “Am I getting what I need?”
• “Is this still working for me?”

But covenant partners ask:

• “Am I being faithful?”
• “Am I loving like Christ?”
• “Am I stewarding what God entrusted to me?”

These are two completely different marriages.

The Vows Were Not Poetry. They Were Prophecy.

“When it’s good” does not require vows. Vows exist for when it is hard.

When you said: For better or for worse, In sickness and in health, For richer or for poorer—You were not reciting romance. You were entering a covenant. You were prophesying endurance.

This Year, Marriage Monday Is Calling You Higher. Not to stay in something abusive, tolerate sin or destruction, or glorify suffering. But to restore the weight of the covenant.

• To shift from: “What am I getting?” to “What am I building?”
• To move from: Consumer marriage to Covenant marriage

A Final, Confronting Question

If God treated us the way many people treat marriage… Where would we be?

“If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.” (2 Timothy 2:13, AMPC)

That is covenant.

Reflection

• Did I enter marriage (or am I preparing for marriage) with a contract mindset or a covenant mindset?
• What did I expect marriage to give me, instead of what God called me to grow me into?
• What needs to be reframed in how I see commitment?

Closing Prayer

Lord,
Deliver us from casual covenant. Deliver us from building sacred things on shallow foundations. Teach us to love the way You love. Teach us to stay the way You stay. Teach us to build what lasts.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Declaration

My marriage (and my future marriage) is built on covenant, not convenience. God is my foundation, not an accessory. I choose faithfulness over feelings, obedience over impulse, and covenant over contract.