The marriage institution was established when God expressed these words:
For this reason shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24
This verse of scripture basically sums up marriage. In other words “For this reason shall a man leave” emphasizes the need to ask yourself the question what is the reason I am leaving my parents to cleave to this particular individual? Am I leaving because of love? Am I leaving because of my age and accomplishment in life? Am I leaving because everyone around me is leaving and cleaving as well? Am I leaving because society expects me to do so at this stage of my life? Am I leaving because I am lonely?
Furthermore this verse establishes the goal of marriage as oneness and connotes marriage as the process of becoming one flesh… “and they shall be one flesh”, inferring that the process of leaving your parents to cleave to your wife to become one flesh is the journey called marriage. However it takes a life time unraveling, which is why couples don’t become one flesh overnight.
One of the characteristics of God is that He speaks about the end from the beginning. This characteristic of God is seen through scripture for example God saw darkness but he called light in (Genesis 1:1-3). He told Abraham that I have made you a father of many nations at a time Abraham had no child of his own Genesis 17:5. He told Saul I have made David King over Israel at a time David was still taking care of sheep (1 Samuel 16). Isaiah 53:5 expresses that by His stripes we were healed, not you will be healed or you may be healed, but that you were healed. My point is that God speaks His desire which is what He sees regardless of what the situation looks like. This is no different from the verse of scripture above “….and shall cleave unto his wife, and the two shall be one flesh”. God desire is that you leave and cleave to become one flesh with your wife.
Something fundamental happens when God speaks. When God speaks the grace, power and ability for whatever He says to come to fruition has been released with His Words that is why His words will never return void but accomplish that which it has been sent to accomplish (Isaiah 55:11). Now what’s fascinating is how long it takes for you to physically experience what God has said. For example Abraham couldn’t see what God said about being the father of many nations or having a child. In fact it took almost 25 years for Abraham to experience what God had said about him. Moses was told he will deliver the children of Israel from the hands of the Egyptians and was in fact called the deliverer; however he didn’t experience this until he was in his 80’s. It is important for one to understand this phenomenon of time when it comes to experiencing the promises and blessing of God. The time the word is spoken is the seed phase and then comes the process or waiting period which is the time phase. The last phase is the harvest phase which is experiencing what God had said. The process of leaving and cleaving to your spouse is no different as cleaving to your spouse requires time. However, it is important to be proactive during that cleaving process as you will not automatically become one flesh if you don’t play your role according to the way God design.
This raises the questions, what do you do in the cleaving process?
During the cleaving process, it is important for you to consistently evaluate your marriage and ensure that you look for ways to improve your marriage. Since the goal of cleaving is to become one flesh, it is important for you to identify areas you lack synchronization and work on these areas. I must stay that the soul is the arena that the cleaving process usually encounters the most friction as it consist of the mind, the will and emotions. This is where your decision pattern is formed and it is important for couples to understand that fusion in this area doesn’t become one flesh overnight. When it comes to the cleaving process, couples should ensure that their goal is to renew their mind to align to what the word of God says about any situation. In other words the ultimate goal in the cleaving process is for each individual to focus on allowing the word of God to wash and cleanse their mind without focusing on what their partner is doing wrong. Understand that God is working in your spouse as well and the good work He has started, He will perfect. Vulnerability to God and your spouse is vital in the cleaving process. This communicates to your spouse that you need them and also says to God,” I can’t do this without you”; since He created the marriage institution.
As always understand that marriage is a Journey that gets better over time once the governing principles are practice.
Love Always TE
