Part 3: Ego vs. Spirit: How Love Humbles You, Not Hypnotizes You
Key Verse: “God… gives grace [continually] to the lowly.” — James 4:6 (AMPC)
The Homecoming Journey
I once believed he was my destined love. Together, we dreamed under stars and prayed over whispered promises. It seemed perfect—until it wasn’t.
What started as enchanted butterflies evolved into a battlefield. Love was not gentle; it was a reckoning—a mirror held up to my ego’s illusions.
In the shattered aftermath of our parting, I glimpsed a deeper truth:
His role wasn’t perpetual presence, but a catalyst for my becoming.
That relationship wasn’t an ending; it was a homecoming to myself—a journey through shadows and revelations, guided by grace.
Why Love Must Expose Ego
We often romanticize love as something soft, aesthetic, and safe. But here’s the truth Gen Z and Millennials need to hear:
If your love never humbles you, it’s not love—it’s hypnosis.
Ego thrives in relationships that flatter but never refine. It craves comfort, avoids discomfort, and demands validation without vulnerability.
Yet, true love is a fierce grace. It invites growth by shaking us from complacency, nudging us towards humility. It whispers:
If your love never challenges you, it’s keeping you from true growth.
(James 4:6 AMPC): “But He gives us more and more grace ([a]power of the Holy Spirit, to meet this evil tendency and all others fully). That is why He says, God sets Himself against the proud and haughty, but gives grace [continually] to the lowly (those who are humble enough to receive it).”
The Integration of Sacred Love
In the quest for meaningful connection, fusion is an illusion. True intimacy is found in integration—where two whole beings meet in vulnerability and strength.
To love authentically is not to lose oneself in another, but to discover oneself anew through their eyes. It’s a choice to share the journey, not to merge destinies.
Saying:
“I do not need you, but I choose you,” is the ultimate act of love—it honors individuality while celebrating unity in purpose.
(Mark 10:9 AMPC): “Therefore what God has united (joined together), man must not divide or cut apart.”
Synchronicity: Divine Threads in Love’s Tapestry
Love, in its highest form, is not mere coincidence—it’s synchronicity. It’s the unseen hand that weaves together hearts, minds, and destinies in perfect harmony.
Have you ever felt the cosmic alignment of two souls meeting? It’s more than chance—it’s destiny whispering:
“This connection has meaning.”
Some loves are not meant to be forever—they are meant to awaken us, to teach us, to transform us. They are sacred encounters that leave indelible marks on our souls.
(Jeremiah 29:11 AMPC): “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.”
The Homecoming Reality Check
For Gen Z and Millennials, love is often seen through filters and fleeting moments. We chase intensity but shy away from depth. We crave connection yet fear vulnerability.
But here’s the truth:
If your relationship only comforts, but never challenges, it’s not love—it’s a compromise with your soul.
(Romans 12:2 AMPC): “Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].”
Practical Steps for Conscious Love
Let’s ground these revelations into practical steps for everyday living:
1. Embrace Your Triggers Instead of deflecting discomfort, lean into it. Ask: “What does this trigger reveal about me? Where is there room for growth?”
(Psalm 139:23 AMPC): “Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!”
2. Cultivate Conflict as Growth Conflict isn’t the enemy—it’s an opportunity for deeper understanding and connection. Approach disagreements as pathways to mutual growth.
(Matthew 5:9 AMPC): “Blessed (enjoying [a]enviable happiness, [b]spiritually prosperous—with life-joy and satisfaction in God’s favor and salvation, regardless of their outward conditions) are the makers and [c]maintainers of peace, for they shall be called the sons of God!”
3. Commit to Inner Work Prioritize self-reflection, therapy, and spiritual practice. Don’t carry unresolved baggage into new relationships—let healing precede connection.
(Psalm 51:10 AMPC): “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me.”
4. Root Your Love in Faith Let faith be the cornerstone of your relationships. Humility before God fosters humility in relationships—where grace abounds, egos diminish.
(Galatians 5:22-23 AMPC): “But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].”
Closing Reflection: The Homecoming
Stop chasing love that soothes your insecurities. Start seeking love that stirs your soul awake.
The partner who challenges—not to break you, but to awaken you—is not your adversary. They are your mirror, your guide, your catalyst for transformation.
In their presence, you don’t lose yourself—you rediscover yourself. You unearth the buried treasures of your soul, refine your rough edges, and emerge stronger, wiser, and more whole.
So, I leave you with this question:
“Is your love comforting you into unconsciousness—or waking you into who you were always meant to be?”
(1 Corinthians 13:4-5 AMPC): “Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].”
Prayer for the Journey Ahead
Father, Strip away my pride. Teach me to embrace discomfort as a gateway to deeper love. May my relationships be sacred spaces where ego surrenders to Spirit, and where grace flows freely. Amen.
In Him,
Onaola Adedeji, MD
Guiding You Towards Faith, Love & Becoming
