Let’s be honest.
Most of us learned about love from:
- Movies
- TikTok
- Instagram reels
- “When you know, you know”
- And vibes that felt spiritual but weren’t
We were told:
“If it’s real love, it should feel effortless.”
“If you’re meant to be, it won’t be this hard.”
“Love should always feel exciting.”
And then real life showed up.
Bills.
Stress.
Trauma.
Growth.
Conflict.
Silence.
Seasons.
And suddenly the love that felt so sure now feels… confusing.
Here’s the truth no one prepared us for:
👉 Feelings are a terrible foundation for something meant to last forever.
That doesn’t mean feelings are bad.
It means they were never meant to be the engine.
Love Isn’t Missing. It’s Misunderstood.
We don’t have a love shortage.
We have a definition problem.
Culture says love is:
- Chemistry
- Passion
- Compatibility
- “He gets me”
- “She feels like home”
God says love is:
“Patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful, it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own rights or its own way… it bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person.”
(1 Corinthians 13:4-7, AMPC)
That’s not poetry.
That’s training.
Love in Scripture isn’t a feeling you fall into.
It’s a posture you grow into.
Here’s the Unpopular Take
💥 Attraction starts relationships. Character sustains them.
Feelings are the spark.
Love is the fire you learn how to tend.
And this is why so many relationships don’t “fail”, they just outgrow their emotional skillset.
Nobody taught us:
- How to love when we’re disappointed
- How to love when attraction fluctuates
- How to love when someone triggers our wounds
- How to love when growth is uneven
So when love stops feeling euphoric, we assume something is wrong.
But Scripture never promised constant butterflies.
It promised formation.
Feelings Make Great Guests. Horrible Leaders.
Feelings:
- Change daily
- Respond to stress
- React to insecurity
- Follow circumstances
Love, biblical love, is different.
“Love endures long and is patient and kind… it is not touchy or fretful or resentful.”
(1 Corinthians 13:4–5, AMPC)
Translation for 2026:
- Love doesn’t ghost
- Love doesn’t manipulate
- Love doesn’t weaponize silence
- Love doesn’t quit at inconvenience
💡 Real love has emotional discipline.
That’s not unromantic.
That’s mature.
Why This Matters for Gen Z & Millennials
We are the most emotionally aware generation…
and also one of the most commitment-anxious.
We want:
- Depth without discomfort
- Intimacy without vulnerability
- Safety without sacrifice
But love doesn’t work like that.
Jesus didn’t love the Church because it was easy.
“Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
(Ephesians 5:25, AMPC)
Love that lasts always costs something.
The Love Code (Decoded)
Here it is, plain and simple:
🧠 Love is not how you feel when things are good.
Love is how you show up when they are not.
Love is:
- Choosing patience when irritation is easier
- Choosing honesty instead of avoidance
- Choosing repair instead of pride
- Choosing commitment over convenience
And yes, this applies whether you’re:
- Single
- Dating
- Engaged
- Married
- Healing from heartbreak
Because the way you love now
is training you for the relationships you’ll have later.
This Will Change How You Date, Love, and Commit
If you’re single:
- Stop asking “Do they make me feel butterflies?”
- Start asking “Can we grow together with humility?”
If you’re dating:
- Chemistry isn’t the finish line.
- It’s the entry point.
If you’re married:
- Love isn’t gone because feelings have changed.
- It’s being refined.
“Love bears up under anything and everything that comes.”
(1 Corinthians 13:7, AMPC)
That’s not passive.
That’s powerful.
The Hard Question (Sit With This)
Are you in love with:
- The person
or - The way they make you feel?
Because one lasts.
The other fades.
Marriage Monday February Is About This
We are not here to:
- Romanticize dysfunction
- Shame people for feelings
- Or pretend love is easy
We are here to:
- Decode real love
- Train emotional maturity
- Build relationships that survive seasons
- And call people higher than vibes and feelings
This month is about learning how to love well, not just how to feel deeply.
Reflection
- When love feels hard, do I assume something is wrong, or something is growing?
- Have I been letting feelings lead what requires commitment?
- What would change if I treated love as a discipline, not just a desire?
Declaration
I am learning to love with wisdom, patience, and intention.
I choose maturity over momentary feelings.
I am building love that lasts.
